QB Jimmy Clausen, JR, Notre Dame (6'3, 222)
I know, I know. You all want to stone me to death Saudi style right now, but I have my reasonings. Dan Snyder, the owner and I'm pretty sure the play caller as well, makes every decision in the organization (I wasn't being sarcastic with the play calling remark). Last year he was trying desperately to trade his 'starter' Jason Campbell for Jay Cutler and then during the draft flipped more mental birds in Campbells direction by trying to trade up to draft Mark Sanchez. Snyder also tried to force Jim Zorn into resigning 1/4 of the way through the year, instead settling on some random outside being brought in to call plays. No one in the organization seems to believe in the coaching or the quarterback, a delicious recipe for disaster, with a dash of hot sauce.
I have 10 guys rated higher than Clausen at the moment, but I defintely see Snyder falling in love with one of these quarterbacks in the post season and trying his best to acquire one. Clausen makes the most sense because he has all the tools of an NFL player and throws a really fucking pretty ball. He plays well under pressure and has run an NFL offense decently under a hilariously morbidly obeiss fatman (so did Brady Quinn though). The only problem is his personality seems to be exactly like Snyder, rich-kid pussy prick is the best group of words I can find to describe it.
I feel like I'm paying attention too much to the little things, but if this video doesn't scream rich-kid pussy prick through his mannerisms, then I guess I just don't know what does.
#7 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
WR Dez Bryant, JR, Oklahoma State (6'2 215)
Spurtabulous. Thats what Dez Bryant is. The most talented WR since Calvin Johnson. Amazing hands, body control, speed and passion for the game. His ability to track down a ball and reach it at the most optimal point is uncanny. "Him and Suh are the two biggest game changers in this draft" The Chiefs need a lot of help on defense, but getting their offense chugging along under Todd Haley will make everyone confident. Combining Bryant with Bowe will give a similiar feeling to Boldin-Fitzgerald back in Arizona. Uhhhhhhh, yaaahhhhh (that's excitement). They'll need some running game as well after getting rid of Faggot Larry Johnson...thats right he earned that name, silly twitter.
Hopefully the whole 'I jogged with Deion Sanders at a sports complex then banged strippers at his mansion while he ate steak with hot sauce' controversy doesn't effect his draft status too much, but you never know. Watch him sign with Eugene Parker as his agent (a strong armed NAACP agent whose first signing was Deion and I'm pretty sure he gets a cut for "mentoring" these kids in college). If they don't take Bryant they'll most certainly go with defense and draft themselves a Rolando 'Exact Measurables as Urlacher' McLain.
#8 BUFFALO BILLS
CB Joe Haden, JR, Florida (5'10, 190)
Poor Dick. I love Jauron, and not only because he's Craig Millspaugh's uncle, but because he has a droopy face that you just want to cheer face.
This team is in trouble. No stability anywhere. Add in T.O. and you have a recipe for disaster that would make Chernobyl shit its pants. When a situation is as dyre as this, you just be safe, ignore the fans and draft Tim Tebow. That was a joke. Is anybody laughing? I wasn't, in fact I'm yanking pubes to punish myself. But seriously, they should just go for the best available player and in this case its Joe Haden. The man is an athletic marvel. No wait, his entire family is one athletic Addams family. Each one of his little brothers has beaten the last national-record SPARQ rating, which is basically testing of thoroughbred high schoolers in order to get them in the picking order for SEC schools.
Not only is he athletic, he tackles pretty damn well in the open field and isn't afraid to get to the QB, has remarkable speed and decent instincts. Unfortunately he also gets my vote for most likely to bust and cause more headaches for a disastrous team. A close personal friend.
#9 SAN FRANSISCO 49ERS
FS Taylor Mays, SR, USC (6'3, 230)
They need safeties. Mays brings safety to all. A deadly super hero. Has all the tools to be a star in the Bay, but will have to overcome a prima donna stereotype. Everyone thought Brian Cushing might not pull it off with all that 'Roid power, but he's taking bitches numbers and lining em up in Houston. All I think about when I watch his highlights is Anthrax's 'Bring the Noise' so I head bang and never actually get to see him in coverage. It's a fault I have in evaluating hard-hitting talent.
#10 SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
RB CJ Spiller, SR, Celmson (5'11 195)
Has that type of 'Jump out of your seat and run on top of bar room tables excitement' that few possess like Hester, Harvin, C. Johnson, Cribbs. He's a killer from the backfield and on special teams. They will find ways to sneak him into different formations and cause panic on kick and punt returns. Along with the last few teams, they need help on the offensive line and need massive mountains to make it difficult to hurt Hasselback or even see Seneca Wallace (who, little known fact, was my favorite player back in the day and even caused me to wear a Iowa State hat around everywhere, pre-hawkeye stage). They still have a shit ton of talent at WR so this should make for a Vikings-type offense, old QB, exciting RB/WR guy and a solid group supporting. Hopefully they draft a successor for the Hass 2nd round, I guess I have the power to guess that, so I hope I guess right.
A better Pro than college player, and considering what he has accomplished that's a pretty big statement. Watch.
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