2010 NFL DRAFT (Picks 11-15)

#11 CAROLINA PANTHERS

TE Jermaine Gresham, Oklahoma, SR, (6'6 265)

If you are a smart fantasy football player, like me, you probably picked up Jake Delhomme thinking he'd really turn it around halfway through the season...What amazes me is that completely contrary to what I thought, he kept right on sucking! What a dick.

This team has so many holes on its roster they should be called the Carolina Swiss Cheese! :)!

Seriously, they suck 'bing' style and they know it too. Delhommes' shoulder and poor decision making (due to the fact he thinks he has the power to do so since becoming old, a disturbing trend you will find as our generation's great QBs start to have deteriorating motor skills) is starting to show. Unfortunately I don't think there is a quarterback worth taking as of now (I don't have Jake Locker in this draft. Don't think he's coming out and I think he's a better athlete than quarterback). I think they should hunker down and take the best player available which is the uber tight end Jermaine Gresham from Oklahoma. He is as big as and as good of a blocker as last years' sole first-round tight end Brandon Pettigrew and quadruple the receiver-ness that he was. Reminds me of Greg Olsen as someone who will line up in the slot a lot or out side on goal line situations. He runs great routes, possesses quick hands and is really tough to bring down, much unlike a down-on-her-luck fat girl (one comment and she'll collapse both physically and emotionally like a sac of bricks).

A freight train receiver that will mow down Whities on slant routes.



#12 DENVER BRONCOS (Acquired from...fuck...)

DE Carlos Dunlap, Florida, JR (6'6 285)

Let me start out with this. I love Jay Cutler, I think he is the coolest fucker in the world. I have preached this to many people but I cannot say it enough. The man is a Rock Star. It's the best word to use. I'm gonna list a few reasons why we don't deserve to pick at this spot because of how cool (and costly) Cutler was...

1. The dude is a diabetic who gets smashed thrice weekly on Templeton Rye
2. He talked shit on the field to Rob Ryan (Brown's DC) after they just bitch slapped a pass of his on 4th down
3. That same man, Rob Ryan, claims that "Cutler can throw a strawberry through a battleship"
4. He bangs chicks
5. He can run faster than any QB in the NFC North, with a double chin
6. His teammates respect him because they know he is trying his best to win the game and ignore media bullshit outside of the field.
7. He probably has a couple statutory rape warrants out there
8. He doesn't give a fuck

Reason #8 just gives him the right to be labeled a Rock Star

I'm glad we have him, even without this draft pick that could have greatly benefited our team. Please see my next blog entry on the 5 Steps to Rebuilding the Bears featuring 20% More Steps!

The Broncos have great coaching in Josh McDaniels running the O and Mike Nolan running the D. With someone of Carlos Dunlap's freak measurables he will constantly get the Mario Williams comparison, but don't do that to him, he's not as freakishly athletic, but in a similar, slightly more poorly made ballpark, like someone forgot to caulk a few shieldings in or something like that. Maybe they forgot to put a bathroom on one floor so everyone has to walk down 3 flights of stairs just to poop. Do you see where I'm getting at?

Denver runs the 3-4 and they need some young talent bringing pressure while holding up against the run. Dunlap has proven his worth at both aspects for the Gators, he's at his best when parked in idle at a green light (see article below, but when the whistle blows he can play some too. His size and pass rush-run support balance will make him a force at the End.

Recently Carlos Dunlap thought that with all his team's success and possible NFL future he would go out and have a nap, in the middle of an intersection.

Imagine trying to lift him out of the car, did they have to use the jaws of life or could they attach him to one end of a rope and the Gainesville fire truck to the other side and just gun it.

#13 NEW YORK JETS

DE Everson Griffen, USC, JR (6'3 275)

Dozing off while staring at the New York Jets depth chart, you start to see a pattern of good talent that has been brought into a complete overhaul of what was there before. I think Rex Ryan spent his last pick on the QB of the future and now wants to get his first choice in for 2010. He is a defensive fatass (like a bizarro Charlie Weiss) and will be looking to shove some youth into the DL/LB butthole. With a guy like Griffen you can get an athletic marvel who brings a shitload of passion (almost to an obnoxious degree) to the game. But the thing is you saw that in Baltimore with Rex Ryan, he loves primma donnas who get the job done and love to show off when they make the slightest contribution.

Griffen didn't have the most statistically dominant year in college football, but he is oozing raw talent. He has had an NFL body since 4th grade, but just needs to get into a coaching scheme which turns him loose. The Jets will let him do just that. Griffen stands a tall possibility to be the first prospect in 2010 to be arrested. 4-1 on cocaine charges, 6-1 domestic battery, or if you're looking to really make a big splash in this pool put all your silver dollars on the 50-1 domestic terrorism charges. Anything is possible...

#14 HOUSTON TEXANS

FS Earl Thomas, Texas, RS So., (5-10, 195)

Just a lil guy, but holy snatch can he make plays. He is up there with Berry, but I made Berry the 2nd overall pick because he is a tough badass dude who is consistent. Thomas has been making plays all season from 92-yard interception returns to big hits on big fuckers. He's got that overlal athletic ability where it looks like he's barely trying yet he is everywhere on the field. He glides like KY jelly just-the-tip-ins without any hesitation and has acrobatic moves in the air. Ever see Chris O'Donnell as Robin? Yah, look closer to his 3rd 'family member' ion the circus on the right and you can clearly see it was Earl Thomas as a 14-year old. He even lays out a couple TwoFace cronies. Hits em right in the nuts. I don't have the clip for you so you'll have to rent it.

#15 ATLANTA FALCONS

OL Anthony Davis, Rutgers, JR, (6'5 340)

Didn't think I'd have the STD birds this early in the draft, but without Matt Ryan, Chris Redman will prove just how mildly worthy he is to be a #2 in the NFL. This Davis kid is MASSIVE, think of a Terrance Cody playing Offensive Line and this is what you get. He's played LT, RT, RG, LG and even a bit of corner back (no, im lying, that was a joke!). He could instantly start on the inside of the offensive line and move out to a OT position if he needed. He's versatile, mean and heavy, the perfect offensive lineman. If he smells like asshole all day then he has become a complete player.