How Is It Possible Gabe Carimi Fell to the Bears

I approve. No one including me thought this dude would fall to us at #29. We thought we'd have to trade to the Ravens at 27 then realized oh wait no one in between these two picks (the Patriots) needed another rookie offensive tackle.

Awesome, just flat out awesome.

I'm Hard.

BACK I Just Turned Ashland Into a Scene From Liam Neeson's Taken

Mayhem, honking, sex trafficking. All part of my drive home to drop Anna off and be back for the Bears pick. Success.

#20 Bucs - Adrian Clayborn - awesome.. Go Hawkeyes. Apparently the cab driver he jab punched had called him the 'N' word, I'd never call a huge black dude a Nancyboy again.

#21 Browns - Phil Taylor. Thats 355 lbs of huge fucking mountain. 20 bucks says Coors Light signs a deal with this kid. Have him just stand there holding 8 beers in each paw. I'd buy it.

#22 Colts - Anthony Costanzo - Don't really like the guy. Keep hearing him as being safe, but he better learn quick or Peyton Manning (who makes all coaching and GM decisions) will drop his sac on him harder than he did a hot lil female trainer at Tennessee (He really did that, look it up).

#23 Eagles - Danny Watkins - Cool fucking story. Big dude. Stronger than Charlie Sheen on any coke binge (thats power)

#24 Saints - Cameron Jordan - Big dude. Not very productive. Not a big pass rusher. More of a run guy. I hate this. Boring shit. Cal football players blow.

#25 Seahawks - James Carpenter - Big dumb tackle, so probably a successful player in the future. Could've addressed a lot of other needs. Like a less spastic coach and letting me be friends with the owner so I can hang out on his epic yacht coke and sex parties.

#26 Chiefs - Jonathon Baldwin - 6ft5in 225lbs WR, check please. Big shithead though. Him and Dwayne Bowe should get along just fine. Big suckfest of assholes.

#27 Ravens - Jimmy Smith - 6ft2in uberathletic corner. Another shithead. Sounds like a broken record but theres a good amount of that in this draft.

#28 Saints - Mark Ingram. How long was Suzy Colbert waiting to make that Heisman winner cry. Unfortunately I have no shithead joke. The kids legit, has good ol fashion solid running back written all over hit tiny body that extends 4 feet wide from ankles, calves, thighs, ass, tits and face. Thats a thick dude. Incarcerated dad, heisman winner, falls in the draft.....Sandra Bullock is going to be staring in a movie about him or banging him by December.

#19 New York Giants: Forgot This Dude Was Still on the Board

Good Corner, nowhere near Patrick Peterson good, but has great closing speed on balls in the air. His Mom apparently tried to wear a shower curtain with orange sea urchin organs pasted all over it. Lucky for her, the NFL brass politely obliged.

#18 San Diego: I Swear to God if Someone Rhymes His Name With Legit

Oh wait, it's happened 73 times. He's OK, nothing special. Plus he played at Illinois where football and hoop dreams go to get stabbed or put on probation for getting to close with the white sororities.

Anyone Have a Hilariously Eerie Feeling That The Giants Will Draft a Punter

I've got a feeling

#17 New England: The Rich Just Keep Getting Fucking Richer

Awesome talent Nate Solder. Huge dude. Must work on becoming a lot stronger in the run game, but with his long arms and sweet shaft, he'll keep Brady clean for Carnivale supper with Gisele.

#16 Washington: Ehh OK

He's got the heart of a Jason Allen but the ability and size of a Mark Anderson. Will give them a spark and motivation on the edge, but has really stiff hips, which does not help anything in football.

I think I saw like 3 sisters or cousins of his that qualify as 5s or 6s so thats cool. I'd make the bang.